Growing in Self-Control: How God Uses Writing to Shape Our Character
I love creating plans, putting tasks on the calendar, and deciding in advance how I’m going to accomplish everything I have in mind. However, when the time comes to carry it out, there’s always something else I wind up doing instead.
Sometimes I’m distracted by something legitimate and important. Just this morning, as I was planning to write my monthly email newsletter, I had to instead call the appliance repairman and ask him why our washing machine’s spin cycle sounded like a whiny jet engine taking off. Then my son needed help with algebra and chemistry. Electron orbitals, golden triangles, and washing machine model numbers took precedence, as they should have.
But other times, I’m side-tracked by Voxer messages with friends, shopping on Amazon, or just another task that seems more fun at the moment. None of those things are necessarily bad, but they don’t always have to be done at the exact moment they pop into my head.
Enter the need for self-control and discipline. The Bible has a lot to say about this character trait.
Self-control is one of the fruits of the Spirit in Galatians chapter 5.
1 Corinthians 9:25-27 “Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore, I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.”
Proverbs 25:28 “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.”
Clearly, discipline and self-control are Christlike character qualities that are part of God’s sanctification plan for our lives. As with perseverance that we talked about last week, discipline is something we can develop through our writing as we cooperate with God.
I was talking with my pastor yesterday about different issues that we all struggle with, and he mentioned that he usually addresses struggles from all angles—spiritual, psychological, and physical. They tend to be intertwined.
Discipline and self-control are no different. Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit, meaning that as we abide in Christ and stay rooted in His Word, He empowers us to grow in these areas. At the same time, we can cooperate with Him and take an active role in our growth.
What does that look like, and why do some of us struggle with it more than others?
According to Henry Cloud and John Townsend in their book, “How People Grow”, if we didn’t learn self-control and discipline as children, we probably don’t have it within ourselves to utilize.
They say, “If self-discipline is found wanting, we need other-discipline from outside of us so that we can take it in and develop it.” (page 250)
If we were never taught to follow through on things like chores, homework assignments, and other commitments, it’s going to be very difficult, if not impossible, to conjure up that self-control and self-discipline as adults.
The solution is to re-parent ourselves, in a way. Decide what it is you’re trying to be disciplined about and enlist a close friend or family member to keep you accountable. You decide the parameters - the goal, the time frame, and the consequences (both positive and negative) based on whether you follow through.
For example, let’s say that your goal is to sit down and write 500 words on a given day. Decide when you’re going to do that, how you will positively reward yourself when you do it, and what the negative consequence will be if you don’t. Then let your accountability friend know and ask them to hold you to it. Does that sound patronizing or demeaning? The big difference is that you are deciding what the positive and negative consequences are.
Self-discipline must be internalized, or we need to get a from somewhere else. In this case, we’re borrowing it from someone else until it becomes our own.
This is also a way that a community can benefit us. Other writers will understand your struggle because many of us have the same problems. Within a writing community, find others who can mutually hold each other accountable.
In what ways do you struggle with self-control and discipline? What’s one step you can take this week to seek out accountability to follow through on your writing goals?